Making a comeback

It's been 2 weeks since I've been home and although I haven't been just sitting around being a couch potato, I don't feel like I've accomplished a lot. I cook, I clean, and I do office work but there isn't an end goal.

Except now there is.

I've decided to do what I said I wouldn't do and to return to the Academy of Ballet. When I had my last performance in June, I said goodbye for good. Or so I thought. I cried (bawled my eyes out..) because after 13 years of dancing for the Academy and for Sandy (my teacher)...it was finally over. So I wiped my eyes, said peace out, and went to BYU.

I didn't take any rigorous dance classes at school. I'm not sure why exactly but I think it was a combination of fear and not having enough time in my day. BYU is a place where the self esteem of your grades, appearance, and "righteousness" levels all take a large hit. I think I didn't want my already shaky self esteem on dance to completely shatter. The seniors at my studio always get some kind of recognition at the annual performance and my last performance ended on a high note. I wanted to keep it that way.

But this post isn't about last year. It's about this year. I walked into the studio 2 days after I got back to Enumclaw and I packed my leotard and tights (just in case). So many memories rushed back and yet at the same time...it felt like I had never left. So basically to make the story short, Sandy asked if I would be in the end ballet, which is basically the finale piece after all of the class dances. I was flattered and hadn't expected it at all. Those girls have worked hard since September and who was I to just come back after graduating and being gone? Not to mention being out of shape. I felt a little left behind and like a little girl again in a big girls' class. I honestly debated on whether or not to do it. I'd said my goodbyes. I didn't want to be a returnee--there was also the pecking order to consider. I'm pretty sure every dance school (and sport) deals with this kind of a food chain but the hardest working/best dancer/longest dancing/teacher's favorite is at the top of the pecking order. You can guess who's at the bottom. 

Being a returnee messes with the pecking order. You were a senior and at the top but you had your moment to shine...so now what? It's petty and shallow but while you're in the midst of it, it's important. But to wrap up the story, I said yes. I have the time, she needs dancers, it'll keep me in shape, and I've missed it so much.  There's nothing quite like dancing. It's an amazing feeling when you nail a routine down and the endorphins are a rush. I now have something to work for again! So it's time to get in shape super fast for the annual performance that's in 6 weeks...bring it on!